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I even changed my major to a secular one. Granted I still played the church game. School required it. I even performed the school’s worship services twice a week. I didn’t abandoned my faith right away. No, I was torn, conflicted, confused for years. I tried to reconcile my parent’s choices with our faith, but I was on a slippery slope now and no amount of explanation from anyone could save me. When I was in my dorm room in the evenings I would tell my neighbors I was going to bed early. None of them knew that I was still awake, shaving, dressing in women’s clothes, surfing internet porn. I returned to my old fantasy world to escape the confusion. After the divorce, ideas that had been too taboo to consider before became fair play. The women in my fantasies began bringing me men, and what had been gross before now became a part of my punishment. With a twisted kind of logic that only a masochist could understand, I had been very naughty and needed to suffer the unthinkable to make. Women, though, wielded power in their own way. When the group was still small, mostly men, and each Family was still closely related, it was necessary and understandable for women to seek companionship, sex, and eventually marriage, outside of their own Family. There were no artificial boundaries that told them they could not enjoy and seek pleasure wherever they chose, and if they desired to give the pleasures they could provide for money, well there was no one who was going to object to the fair exchange of one for the other. As the Families grew and became more self-focused, they began to migrate further away, looking for enough land to support the growing population. After a time, there were nine areas, or territories, with borders that were hard to pin down. And that is where the troubles began. Skirmishes and land grabs became constant, as each Family tried to secure some of the riches they coveted that their own land did not possess. Towns were raided, with all the inhabitants.
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